An internal rant I run through on a regular basis

Fair warning: Vitriol Ahead.

Dear crazy homeschooling parents on the internet,

I ask you this: Why do I have to have 18 years of school to teach your kid, but you're qualified to do so just because you pushed one out of your vagina?

How can you teach your child how to use a comma when you can't explain how? How can you help your child go to college when you never went yourself?

Why do your kids never seem to spend more than three hours a day on school? If it takes my honors class (full of kids who are probable smarter than yours) several lessons to understand what a theme is, why does it never take you nearly that long?

Wait, do your kids know what a theme is at all?

Why is it that all of you seem to claim that your children are gifted? I spend time with actual gifted children, and let me tell you, they are far rarer than you seem to think. I hate to tell you this, but yours may be average.

Why is it that you claim that your kids are perfectly socialized, but everyone knows a homeschooled kid who was, well, a little off. Honestly, I don't give a shit what the research says, you are making your kid weird. And before you tell me that's anecdotal, how about you tell me where you got all of your ideas about how awful public school is?

Can you offer your kid a track team? How about a debate team? A newspaper they can write for? Model United Nations? Free tutoring in any subject? A physics class with an actual teacher?

No? I didn't think so.


I don't care if you think school is full of bullies (your delicate flower needs to learn to deal) or if there's a lot of crime (first of all, stolen ipods don't count and secondly, welcome to the real world) or if your kid is just too bright (then how can YOU teach them better than I can?) 90% of the time, they would be better off in a decent public high school than at home starting at a computer screen learning math.


Love,

A disgruntled graduate student


P.S. While I hate your sense of superiority and disdain for a system I'm deeply invested in, I'm also sort of glad that you're keeping precious Billy out of my school. I know you would be hell to deal with. I hope your children survive you.